Honestly, I have almost nothing to write about, aside from the war of wills between Fenway and I for the coveted left-hand-side couch seat. I don't understand... I like the seat because I can keep my laptop plugged in and it's next to the light so I can see the keyboard. What the hell does he need the laptop and light for? So now he's staring at me from the middle seat... you martyr, you!
I spent the day studying for exam #1 (Building Systems for me), and apparently I have no clue about acoustics and electricity. Otherwise, I'm not totally retarded. But I have a good long time to study and plan to keep up a regular pace, so I should be a-ok by exam time.
Now, how to avoid the Golden Globes? How is this entertainment?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
How to Begin?
Today marks my first semianniversary here in Raleigh; it's official--now I've been here for "a while." Much can happen in six months, like the self-immolation of the global economy, for example. Or the rising and falling of gas prices on a scale unseen since... before my birth? The turning of a red state blue. The rise to fame and subsequent fall into irrelevancy of some broad from Alaska. A new hope...
I feel better here now than I did just a few weeks ago, which is actually less comforting than it sounds. Even in the span of six months, I've had more than one other time that felt like I was turning a corner and feeling more at home. Is it possible that this is just another one of those corner turns that'll fizzle in a week or two? Of course I'm hoping not, and this time there are other conditions that could be driving the mood, including my anxiety meds (back on), caffeine (back on), and a general diminishing of day-to-day workplace stress resulting from a spacing out of deadlines and long blocks of time where there's an expectation that nothing comprehensive can get done because everyone is out here and there for the holidays.
To nail the New Year's cliche, I feel hopeful. I feel like I've seen the bottom of my situation here in Raleigh, and I think I've put things in play that will make me feel better about the move. I've signed up to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. I plan to be more involved in the local AIA chapter. I'm reading through Raleigh's new Draft Master Plan so I can remember why I was interested in this stuff in the first place, and then hopefully be helpful in critiquing the plan before it moves into its final draft. I have a new workstation in the office that won't hide me away in a corner so my coworkers might finally feel obligated to remember my name. I know how to change the plotter paper at work now. I started looking for a church I can stomach. I've been going out a little more often. I'll be resuming my exams very soon.
I guess I've found that when your day to day story is very thin, it's hard to accept that it's really what you're doing with your life. When my day to day story is work, TV, sleep, work, TV, sleep, it feels like I've been dispatched here for a temporary work assignment and see no reason to get settled. Like I'm living in a motel, and each thing or relationship I accumulate is one more thing I'll either have to throw out or lug back "home" when I leave. I can imagine the "colonial" mindset probably has a lot to do with that. I bet the economically-driven colonists to Virginia had the same trouble... you're from a totally different place, here to be opportunistic, wanting to travel light and not get too attached because, hell, the colony could be dead tomorrow. If you need to hop on the next boat to the mother country, better to not leave half of yourself behind. It's only once you trust the stability of your own situation in the new land that your narrative gets thicker and the new colony becomes part of your story.
Six months in and six months until my first major committment here is up--my lease--I can't say for sure how long my future here will be. As I said above, much can happen in six months. But it has become easier to imagine a future--life's little sidestories, at least--that has Raleigh as the backdrop. I can finally visualize scenarios here that would give me a satisfying life. So perhaps this is a real corner turned.
Happy New Year!
I feel better here now than I did just a few weeks ago, which is actually less comforting than it sounds. Even in the span of six months, I've had more than one other time that felt like I was turning a corner and feeling more at home. Is it possible that this is just another one of those corner turns that'll fizzle in a week or two? Of course I'm hoping not, and this time there are other conditions that could be driving the mood, including my anxiety meds (back on), caffeine (back on), and a general diminishing of day-to-day workplace stress resulting from a spacing out of deadlines and long blocks of time where there's an expectation that nothing comprehensive can get done because everyone is out here and there for the holidays.
To nail the New Year's cliche, I feel hopeful. I feel like I've seen the bottom of my situation here in Raleigh, and I think I've put things in play that will make me feel better about the move. I've signed up to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity. I plan to be more involved in the local AIA chapter. I'm reading through Raleigh's new Draft Master Plan so I can remember why I was interested in this stuff in the first place, and then hopefully be helpful in critiquing the plan before it moves into its final draft. I have a new workstation in the office that won't hide me away in a corner so my coworkers might finally feel obligated to remember my name. I know how to change the plotter paper at work now. I started looking for a church I can stomach. I've been going out a little more often. I'll be resuming my exams very soon.
I guess I've found that when your day to day story is very thin, it's hard to accept that it's really what you're doing with your life. When my day to day story is work, TV, sleep, work, TV, sleep, it feels like I've been dispatched here for a temporary work assignment and see no reason to get settled. Like I'm living in a motel, and each thing or relationship I accumulate is one more thing I'll either have to throw out or lug back "home" when I leave. I can imagine the "colonial" mindset probably has a lot to do with that. I bet the economically-driven colonists to Virginia had the same trouble... you're from a totally different place, here to be opportunistic, wanting to travel light and not get too attached because, hell, the colony could be dead tomorrow. If you need to hop on the next boat to the mother country, better to not leave half of yourself behind. It's only once you trust the stability of your own situation in the new land that your narrative gets thicker and the new colony becomes part of your story.
Six months in and six months until my first major committment here is up--my lease--I can't say for sure how long my future here will be. As I said above, much can happen in six months. But it has become easier to imagine a future--life's little sidestories, at least--that has Raleigh as the backdrop. I can finally visualize scenarios here that would give me a satisfying life. So perhaps this is a real corner turned.
Happy New Year!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
A Fine Yule (b)Log
If you hadn't noticed, I haven't been motivated to blog recently. My list of excuses includes: being sick, being tired, working late, office Christmas party, business trip to Cambridge, having nothing to say, creating Christmas cards, and many more! Take your pick! Two for one!
Today I finally uncovered an afternoon with no previous plans... and being sick, I wasn't willing to tax my body with several hours of walking, despite great weather out. So I worked on my Grandma's Christmas present instead. Last Labor Day, she sent me home with a Kinkos-made booklet of all her essays written since the 60's. My assignment was to read the whole thing (I've actually read half of them in previous visits anyway). Some of them are... well, let's just say I'm not much of an essay-reading guy. So my gift was not only read them--all of them--but to write up my comments about them, thus proving I've read them. Yes, it took all afternoon and it's time I'll never get back, but Grandma is about the only person I can crticize openly and in explicit detail and will still love the attention. Merry Christmas, Grandma!
Work continues to be less than satisfying... but enough of that, already.
The office Christmas party was held at local hotspot Solas in Raleigh... last Sunday night. The place is neat and I'm sure it's quite the place to be (you know, NOT on Sunday night), and the drinks were great (free). The music was a tad loud though, so any chance I had of opening up and being social was pretty much shut down by my loud-averse ears. I mean, how much can you really socialize when every other word is "What?" Craftily scheduled for Sunday night, no one got balls-out drunk, or at least not in the time I was there. And everyone who said they'd be in late on Monday morning... they were bluffing. Tricky!
I'm coming up on six months in Raleigh now... beginning to enter "real" time here, time when I can start reflecting on it enough to figure out if it's worth it. Well, I have to say the weather was surprisingly bearable today. I guess if one thing has lived up to expectation, its been fall weather. Some trees still have a few leaves hanging on for dear life, even. Finances... well, I'm still spending at least as much to live, but I'm living larger. At least in the amount of space my meager possessions have to spread out. Career-wize... well, we'll see, I guess. I get the sense that this firm is probably the best one around when viewed from most perspectives, I just don't know that I'm able to see from those perspectives yet. I'm sure if I ever left, I would see it all much clearer, and much too late.
So here I sit, making use of my extensive Christmas music collection, getting ready to turn the warm glow of the TV back on, remembering Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Netflix), getting sick of hearing the cat lick himself, and hoping that I can make it through another week without falling into a complete loser hole. Wish me luck.
Today I finally uncovered an afternoon with no previous plans... and being sick, I wasn't willing to tax my body with several hours of walking, despite great weather out. So I worked on my Grandma's Christmas present instead. Last Labor Day, she sent me home with a Kinkos-made booklet of all her essays written since the 60's. My assignment was to read the whole thing (I've actually read half of them in previous visits anyway). Some of them are... well, let's just say I'm not much of an essay-reading guy. So my gift was not only read them--all of them--but to write up my comments about them, thus proving I've read them. Yes, it took all afternoon and it's time I'll never get back, but Grandma is about the only person I can crticize openly and in explicit detail and will still love the attention. Merry Christmas, Grandma!
Work continues to be less than satisfying... but enough of that, already.
The office Christmas party was held at local hotspot Solas in Raleigh... last Sunday night. The place is neat and I'm sure it's quite the place to be (you know, NOT on Sunday night), and the drinks were great (free). The music was a tad loud though, so any chance I had of opening up and being social was pretty much shut down by my loud-averse ears. I mean, how much can you really socialize when every other word is "What?" Craftily scheduled for Sunday night, no one got balls-out drunk, or at least not in the time I was there. And everyone who said they'd be in late on Monday morning... they were bluffing. Tricky!
I'm coming up on six months in Raleigh now... beginning to enter "real" time here, time when I can start reflecting on it enough to figure out if it's worth it. Well, I have to say the weather was surprisingly bearable today. I guess if one thing has lived up to expectation, its been fall weather. Some trees still have a few leaves hanging on for dear life, even. Finances... well, I'm still spending at least as much to live, but I'm living larger. At least in the amount of space my meager possessions have to spread out. Career-wize... well, we'll see, I guess. I get the sense that this firm is probably the best one around when viewed from most perspectives, I just don't know that I'm able to see from those perspectives yet. I'm sure if I ever left, I would see it all much clearer, and much too late.
So here I sit, making use of my extensive Christmas music collection, getting ready to turn the warm glow of the TV back on, remembering Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Netflix), getting sick of hearing the cat lick himself, and hoping that I can make it through another week without falling into a complete loser hole. Wish me luck.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
November Rain
Raleigh continues to be an unusually wet place considering its reputation as a drought hot spot.
My upstairs neighbor has a knack for finding all the floor boards in my ceiling that squeek when they bear weight. And he shifts his weight on... and he shifts his weight off... squeek-a screetch!
I can't seem to muster up more than twenty minutes of energy to do anything besides eating or watching TV.
The Christmas card is going to be a little late this year.
My breath smells like pesto. It's not a disease; I ate pesto for dinner.
If I had to play football in a driving rain, I'd probably suck at it too. Actually, I'm sure I would suck at it anyway. I know me.
I haven't shaved in over three days.
The Thanksgiving trip was fun. The following two nights of 10-12 hours of sleep were also fun. Getting a sore throat... not so fun.
My heat seems to be on more than makes sense for how cold it's not outside.
Axl Rose is still not my hero.
My upstairs neighbor has a knack for finding all the floor boards in my ceiling that squeek when they bear weight. And he shifts his weight on... and he shifts his weight off... squeek-a screetch!
I can't seem to muster up more than twenty minutes of energy to do anything besides eating or watching TV.
The Christmas card is going to be a little late this year.
My breath smells like pesto. It's not a disease; I ate pesto for dinner.
If I had to play football in a driving rain, I'd probably suck at it too. Actually, I'm sure I would suck at it anyway. I know me.
I haven't shaved in over three days.
The Thanksgiving trip was fun. The following two nights of 10-12 hours of sleep were also fun. Getting a sore throat... not so fun.
My heat seems to be on more than makes sense for how cold it's not outside.
Axl Rose is still not my hero.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The one in which Paul passes his LEED exam and prepares to visit Massachusetts
So the big news, and one of very few highlights of my time since moving to Raleigh, is that I passed my LEED exam last Tuesday. For those who may not be "in the know" on architecture-related credentials, this is one that says I know how to guide a project through the LEED Green Building rating system, which is basically the foremost standard for rating the sustainability of building projects. Having this credential may not be particularly relevant in my day-to-day work, but certainly it is a credential that employers (including my own) believe is valuable, enough that some require it to be considered for employment. So, with that exam out of the way, I can begin to focus on the ARE exams (for licensure). But first, perhaps a few weeks of breaking from studying...
I have my first substantial time off from work this coming week--all week, in fact. I've always liked to take Thanksgiving week off from work because I can be thrifty with vacation days. That's especially important when you start a job in July and are given barely a week of vacation days for the rest of the year. I'm still feeling very unmotivated and dissatisfied at work, too, so hopefully a week of seeing friends and family from back home and eating and drinking copiously will put me in the right frame of mind for enjoying life a little more. Or perhaps it will so drastically contrast with my life in Raleigh that I won't want to go back?
I have my first substantial time off from work this coming week--all week, in fact. I've always liked to take Thanksgiving week off from work because I can be thrifty with vacation days. That's especially important when you start a job in July and are given barely a week of vacation days for the rest of the year. I'm still feeling very unmotivated and dissatisfied at work, too, so hopefully a week of seeing friends and family from back home and eating and drinking copiously will put me in the right frame of mind for enjoying life a little more. Or perhaps it will so drastically contrast with my life in Raleigh that I won't want to go back?
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Four months and counting
November 1 was my four monthiversary here in North Carolina. I'm not sure if that should feel like a long time or a short time... depending on the situation, it could feel one or the other. I still don't know many people here in town (short time), but I've already been here longer than some folks I've met (long time). My car is beginning to commute itself to work (long time), but I'm still anxious about the I-40 traffic (short time). I still feel like a newbie at work (short time) and yet I had a laundry list of complaints at my 3-month work review that would suggest a seasoned disgruntlement (long time). Not a girl, not yet a woman, as I guess Britney Spears would say. I at least think the deer-in-the-headlights phase is passing. Slowly.
No grand promenade around Raleigh today, though the weather was (allegedly) perfect; I made a pact with myself that I would do all my chores and errands yesterday and focus on LEED exam studying today--I've only opened my door twice (once for the paper, once for the Obama greeters). I took a practice test today and didn't do great, although doing badly was the point--figuring out where the gaps are in my knowledge. I have just over two weeks of studying left, and though I feel like some of the information is starting to settle into the synapses, I'm unsure of my ability to master the knowledge in time. It would be a costly failure ($300), embarassing considering all the people who know I'm taking it, and a big confidence deflater at a time when I'm not brimming with it already, but... well, no one's life (or livelihood) depends on it. I'm not angling for a career as a sustainability consultant. But it sure will be tough heading into seven registration exams already in the hole.
I'm still eager for things to settle down. Thought I'm very excited about the election on Tuesday, I can't wait for it to be over and to know what we have to deal with for the next four years. I can't wait for the construction at our office to be done so I can actually concentrate on my job and--perhaps--do well at it. New things are on the horizon, though--possible business trip to Cambridge, then back again for Thanksgiving two weeks later; the exam; scheduling the next exams; deadlines; gift shopping; tons of birthdays to remember...
Thank goodness I'm not following any sports, or I would run out of brain.
No grand promenade around Raleigh today, though the weather was (allegedly) perfect; I made a pact with myself that I would do all my chores and errands yesterday and focus on LEED exam studying today--I've only opened my door twice (once for the paper, once for the Obama greeters). I took a practice test today and didn't do great, although doing badly was the point--figuring out where the gaps are in my knowledge. I have just over two weeks of studying left, and though I feel like some of the information is starting to settle into the synapses, I'm unsure of my ability to master the knowledge in time. It would be a costly failure ($300), embarassing considering all the people who know I'm taking it, and a big confidence deflater at a time when I'm not brimming with it already, but... well, no one's life (or livelihood) depends on it. I'm not angling for a career as a sustainability consultant. But it sure will be tough heading into seven registration exams already in the hole.
I'm still eager for things to settle down. Thought I'm very excited about the election on Tuesday, I can't wait for it to be over and to know what we have to deal with for the next four years. I can't wait for the construction at our office to be done so I can actually concentrate on my job and--perhaps--do well at it. New things are on the horizon, though--possible business trip to Cambridge, then back again for Thanksgiving two weeks later; the exam; scheduling the next exams; deadlines; gift shopping; tons of birthdays to remember...
Thank goodness I'm not following any sports, or I would run out of brain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)