I Decree...

The following people no longer deserve to be in the news (CNN, I'm looking at you):

1. Sarah Palin
2. Sarah Palin's daughter
3. the guy who impregnated Sarah Palin's daughter
4. Sarah Palin's husband... actually, the whole damn family. All of them. And Grandpa McCain, too.
5. Dick Cheney/Karl Rove/Newt Gingrich/Rush Limbaugh (they're the same guy, actually)
6. the guy who invented Facebook
7. any baseball player accused of or proven to have taken steroids
8. OJ Simpson--no matter what he does
9. the guy who landed the plane in the Hudson. Like, kudos, dude! Now time to not be news.
10. anyone related to Somali piratetry
11. anyone who said swine flu was going to be a global pandemic. You were wrong, now sit down.
12. the Kardashian/Hilton/Lohan clusterfuck that is Hollywood
13. Elizabeth and John Edwards
14. Bill Clinton
15. Chelsea Clinton (should have stopped being news in 2000)
16. any and all Kennedys, unless Teddy dies
17. Miss America and all runners up
18. Donald Trump--for the love of GOD, let's stop feeding this guy's ego, people!
19. Omarosa? Like, really? Has anyone on earth been given more unearned publicity?
20. all reality show characters after their series' finales, in fact
21. Oprah. She may be great and all, but if I want to see her every day, I'll watch her show.

There are many more that don't immediately come to mind (thank God), so they get spared from my decree for now.