It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town... no, wait, that's not me...
It's funny to look back and see that July 3 was my last post, because it was only the next day that life here in the New Colony took a pretty dramatic step in a new direction. Since the night of Independence Day I've been at both the highest and lowest since first recovering from the anxiety of moving my life to North Carolina. I've realized a fantasy and nearly immediately fumbled it, tragically. I've gone from the relative comfort of consistent but fairly easy-going work to staring down a potential layoff through 55-hour weeks. I've learned a lot about myself in the process but found many aspects of my personality that just can't continue unchecked.
The height I reached was fleeting but amazing. Being loved, admired, and adored by someone for which I had such intense reciprocal feelings was my fantasy come true. I had been single much too long by the beginning of the summer, without any of the feelings of liberation that most bachelors enjoy. I was blessed to find a woman to share my time, and for once I made a conscious effort to pay attention to the great times we had in the moment. At the closing of past relationships, I was haunted by the loss of memories of fun and love--they were overwhelmed by the strain of separation, of having tried so hard to be the right guy and missed the mark. This time, no good memories were taken for granted.
The dissolution of the relationship, however, was a mess in its own right. My psyche had been changing, exaggerating my obsessive, paranoid, jealous, and tempermental side. It was a transition I had not noticed--certainly not soon enough--and that I now link to a concurrent change in my anxiety medication. It feels unrighteous to lay the full responsibility for my "descent" on chemicals, so I sidestep the actual symptoms and take responsibility instead for a complete lack of awareness of my behavior despite a number of obvious clues. When your girlfriend says that you're always angry, and that you're not the same person she started dating, you need to pay attention. When you start getting comments on your attitude from coworkers who are themselves notoriously ill-mannered, you should take a hint. When your sleeping and eating patterns change dramatically in the span of a few weeks, you need to be asking questions about yourself.
Through the month of October and into November, my emotions and behaviors became completely undocked from my thinking. Yes, I know that emotions and behaviors operate differently than reason and intellect, but usually your mind has the ability to square them up--I acted this way because of this belief, I had this emotion because of this expectation, etc. For several weeks, my emotions and their resultant behaviors were unsquarable with what I was thinking. Perspective and proportionality were lost. A minor issue would become an outrage. A snub would become a melodrama. A mere task would become an ordeal. And all the while I was not able to see how different this was from normal or feel how it might be affecting other people.
It took lying in bed awake one night, staring at the ceiling, for my intellect to put the pieces together... I'm thinking one way, but my emotions are off on their own. This may be normal for a short duration, but not for almost two months. What changed in September? In the end, I was lucky to hit upon something--a solid, plausible reason--to help draw the pieces together. Whether or not it is truly a factor, linking my increased anxiety meds (possible side effects include hostility and aggression) to what was happening gave me focus. I regained perspective. And initiative. I resolved to address these issues, not just pharmaceutically but also through counseling.
The pressure isn't off. I hang by a thread in a number of ways, personally and professionally. Stress at work has not abated but rather has just been lengthened for more weeks. When this project has finally been pushed out to sea, there's no guaranty another one is waiting at the dock. But in general, I feel hopeful about the future in a way I haven't in some time. I will get better, and I will find a way to get happiness back in my life.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Two Years in a New Colony
Once again it's time to commemorate an anniversary of Southern living. Three years ago tomorrow was the first time I visited Raleigh, and a year later I was in a car with my tranquilized cat heading south on I-95 for my new home. Today I sit in my Raleigh ITB apartment with the french doors wide open to the much maligned Juliet balcony while an improbably comfortable and dry July 3rd graces the courtyard below. Free tickets to the Durham Bulls game tonight thanks to Freelon, some understated celebrating tomorrow with friends, road trip to the beach next weekend with other friends... if complaining wasn't a biological imperative of every cell of my body, I'd be an idiot to start now.
I still get surprised looks when I tell people that I simply chose to live in Raleigh without any ulterior motives. Work did not bring me here, nor a spouse or family. I set out my desires and criteria and found a match that made my Excel spreadsheet happy. After all, if you only went places you knew intimately, you'd never be able to go anywhere. So there were no guarantees of a successful match, and to be honest, there are often times that I agree with the bewilderment of my colleagues. Raleigh is not a glamorous place. All of North Carolina is not a glamorous place. It is not at the end of any roads, it is not a frontier, not a center of great wealth or political power, and although naturally beautiful, it has neither the best beaches nor the grandest mountains on the East Coast. Aside from some notable exceptions--banks in Charlotte, technology in RTP, and college basketball--North Carolina seems almost devoid of superlatives. North Carolina is that girl in high school that was pleasant and everyone could be friends with, but was not the valedictorian, cheerleading captain, track star, French Club president... just a good decent friend who you had to look up in the yearbook decades later because you could never quite remember her name.
North Carolina lacks a compelling story. And Raleigh, as its capital, fares no better. But the reason why I continue to find this place attractive is because of the narrative that is as latent as the humidity--there is a story emerging here. Today the story lacks definition and it suffers from the obscurity of the people and places that contribute to it. But every day it seems to come closer to the surface, becoming more organized and more accessible. Much as California captures the imagination of the world today as both utopia and dystopia, North Carolina is in the process of becoming the next crucible for America's dream. Imagine moving to the empty and hot Los Angeles basin before it became America's western metropolis, and that is the feeling that keeps me here in Raleigh today. Things will happen here, ideas will be tested, mistakes will be made, and ultimately this place will be a completely different heaven or hell than the purgatory it is today. As long as I keep feeling that potential energy coursing through this place, I'll be here watching it.
I still get surprised looks when I tell people that I simply chose to live in Raleigh without any ulterior motives. Work did not bring me here, nor a spouse or family. I set out my desires and criteria and found a match that made my Excel spreadsheet happy. After all, if you only went places you knew intimately, you'd never be able to go anywhere. So there were no guarantees of a successful match, and to be honest, there are often times that I agree with the bewilderment of my colleagues. Raleigh is not a glamorous place. All of North Carolina is not a glamorous place. It is not at the end of any roads, it is not a frontier, not a center of great wealth or political power, and although naturally beautiful, it has neither the best beaches nor the grandest mountains on the East Coast. Aside from some notable exceptions--banks in Charlotte, technology in RTP, and college basketball--North Carolina seems almost devoid of superlatives. North Carolina is that girl in high school that was pleasant and everyone could be friends with, but was not the valedictorian, cheerleading captain, track star, French Club president... just a good decent friend who you had to look up in the yearbook decades later because you could never quite remember her name.
North Carolina lacks a compelling story. And Raleigh, as its capital, fares no better. But the reason why I continue to find this place attractive is because of the narrative that is as latent as the humidity--there is a story emerging here. Today the story lacks definition and it suffers from the obscurity of the people and places that contribute to it. But every day it seems to come closer to the surface, becoming more organized and more accessible. Much as California captures the imagination of the world today as both utopia and dystopia, North Carolina is in the process of becoming the next crucible for America's dream. Imagine moving to the empty and hot Los Angeles basin before it became America's western metropolis, and that is the feeling that keeps me here in Raleigh today. Things will happen here, ideas will be tested, mistakes will be made, and ultimately this place will be a completely different heaven or hell than the purgatory it is today. As long as I keep feeling that potential energy coursing through this place, I'll be here watching it.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
What was my password again?
As a testament to my blog neglect, it took me about ten tries and two Recaptchas just to log in with the correct e-mail address/password combination. Considering I have four addresses and three passwords I use consistently, I guess ten tries still beats the odds. No, wait. It doesn't. Math.
I've fallen victim to the blog paradox; when life is full of stuff worth writing about, it's too full to blog about it. This is my first Sunday in a while that I don't have better things going (by choice), so now I can recap the last two months:
Took final Architecture Registration Exam March 15 --> Found out I passed April 1 --> Final application for registration approved by the State April 9 --> was upgraded to Architect membership by professional organization April 11 --> received single lump-sum bonus from work April 30.
Was told by landlord that the condo I rented was being put on the market January 2 or so --> Got fed up with landlord's and Realtor's lack of respect for my privacy and possessions and bitched about it continuously through January and February --> was given 60-day notice late February --> Found nearly reasonable rent at Oberlin Court in early March --> moved March 27 --> got full security deposit returned April 27 --> landlord's condo still on the market today.
Started working on psychiatric hospital project at work in early December --> 50% DD deadline in... late February? --> work like gangbusters for last two weeks to make 100% DD deadline --> DD deadline pushed off at (literally) last minute --> ???
played volleyball Tuesday nights at Y and some additional nights indoors or outdoors --> still going
Christmas with Mom & Steve in the keys --> visit to Virginia family early February --> visit from Benj's family late February --> visit from Agurkis family late April --> meet up with Dad & Maryann in Virginia literally the next day --> heading back to Mass for a Memorial Day visit and meeting first step-nephew Owen
There's been other things--mentoring at NCSU, students' ULI competition team winning the national award, a few First Fridays, lots of drinking, AIA committee stuff, etc. etc. But let's consider ourselves sufficiently caught up and go from here, mmkay?
I've fallen victim to the blog paradox; when life is full of stuff worth writing about, it's too full to blog about it. This is my first Sunday in a while that I don't have better things going (by choice), so now I can recap the last two months:
Took final Architecture Registration Exam March 15 --> Found out I passed April 1 --> Final application for registration approved by the State April 9 --> was upgraded to Architect membership by professional organization April 11 --> received single lump-sum bonus from work April 30.
Was told by landlord that the condo I rented was being put on the market January 2 or so --> Got fed up with landlord's and Realtor's lack of respect for my privacy and possessions and bitched about it continuously through January and February --> was given 60-day notice late February --> Found nearly reasonable rent at Oberlin Court in early March --> moved March 27 --> got full security deposit returned April 27 --> landlord's condo still on the market today.
Started working on psychiatric hospital project at work in early December --> 50% DD deadline in... late February? --> work like gangbusters for last two weeks to make 100% DD deadline --> DD deadline pushed off at (literally) last minute --> ???
played volleyball Tuesday nights at Y and some additional nights indoors or outdoors --> still going
Christmas with Mom & Steve in the keys --> visit to Virginia family early February --> visit from Benj's family late February --> visit from Agurkis family late April --> meet up with Dad & Maryann in Virginia literally the next day --> heading back to Mass for a Memorial Day visit and meeting first step-nephew Owen
There's been other things--mentoring at NCSU, students' ULI competition team winning the national award, a few First Fridays, lots of drinking, AIA committee stuff, etc. etc. But let's consider ourselves sufficiently caught up and go from here, mmkay?
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Obligatory status update
This is surprisingly my first post in 2010, even though the year is already over 12% complete. It's been... that kind of busy that happens when you're not really busy in retrospect, but feel caught up in the flow while it's happening.
Right now I'm feeling stomach-turning anxiety about choosing a new apartment to live in; on one hand, there's the hip, expensive, trendy place with loads of hot women, a big pool, its own restaurants... this is meant for cool people. I can just afford the cheapest, smallest apartment. On the other hand, there's a quiet, 2-story, old (for raleigh) condo townhouse right next to the shopping area. Nothing special, about as expensive as what I have now, kinda worn and charming... very me. Very unspectacular. And now choosing an apartment has become a self-referendum for my identity. Am I hip? Can I pull off cool and energetic and perky? Or would I be the lame older single guy that lurks around 20-somethings in the hopes of some second-hand fun? Is that worse than just turning into a hermit?
Well, at least I've claimed to the realtor that I will be bringing in an application and checks tomorrow afternoon for the boring, if charming, townhouse. If it's like most of the other places I've lived, I'll be mildly disappointed with it up until about a month away from moving out of it. Maybe Fenway will like it.
Right now I'm feeling stomach-turning anxiety about choosing a new apartment to live in; on one hand, there's the hip, expensive, trendy place with loads of hot women, a big pool, its own restaurants... this is meant for cool people. I can just afford the cheapest, smallest apartment. On the other hand, there's a quiet, 2-story, old (for raleigh) condo townhouse right next to the shopping area. Nothing special, about as expensive as what I have now, kinda worn and charming... very me. Very unspectacular. And now choosing an apartment has become a self-referendum for my identity. Am I hip? Can I pull off cool and energetic and perky? Or would I be the lame older single guy that lurks around 20-somethings in the hopes of some second-hand fun? Is that worse than just turning into a hermit?
Well, at least I've claimed to the realtor that I will be bringing in an application and checks tomorrow afternoon for the boring, if charming, townhouse. If it's like most of the other places I've lived, I'll be mildly disappointed with it up until about a month away from moving out of it. Maybe Fenway will like it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
$20.09
Back when I was a gas station attendant at Johnson's Garage in Sterling, I often had the misfortune of pumping an amount of overpriced gas that would total somewhere between $19.30 and $19.94--the misfortune being that it would invariably incite the payee to comment on how good or bad that particular year had been. I remember $19.75 being regarded consitently as a "good year." The only times that such a comment would be followed up by any evidence, it was often obtusely sexual in content, and with all such things from my employ at Johnson's Garage, I have blocked it from memory. Sadly, I have not been able to get the memory of emptying the beer can barrel purged from the cache...
I imagine that, at some time in the future when our economy continues to suck, I'll go back to working the pumps at some fuel depot in the suburban wasteland of North Raleigh. As I pump precious hydrogen into a plastic fuel cell car for some bugger who got rich fleecing retirement accounts, the price guage will read ¥2009, and I'll think, 2009, huh? What a bummer that year was.
Face it: 2009 was the capstone year in a fairly shitty decade all around (at least for Americans). When we collectively ruminate on our past--passing around a shotglass of "water" leaking out the ass end of a car at the old hydrogen station--and try to determine where things went wrong, we'll all point to the era from the Y2K scare to the economic shitstorm of the late 00's and say... yeppp... 2009... not a good year. (We won't be able to label the whole decade a pile of shit, because we still won't know what to call it. Naughties? Oughties? DoubleOs? How about "the Shitties?").
Despite the dystopia we are sprinting towards, there is some hope in turning over into a new decade; if nothing else, we'll at least know what to call it. And things can't really get worse, right?
Right?
I imagine that, at some time in the future when our economy continues to suck, I'll go back to working the pumps at some fuel depot in the suburban wasteland of North Raleigh. As I pump precious hydrogen into a plastic fuel cell car for some bugger who got rich fleecing retirement accounts, the price guage will read ¥2009, and I'll think, 2009, huh? What a bummer that year was.
Face it: 2009 was the capstone year in a fairly shitty decade all around (at least for Americans). When we collectively ruminate on our past--passing around a shotglass of "water" leaking out the ass end of a car at the old hydrogen station--and try to determine where things went wrong, we'll all point to the era from the Y2K scare to the economic shitstorm of the late 00's and say... yeppp... 2009... not a good year. (We won't be able to label the whole decade a pile of shit, because we still won't know what to call it. Naughties? Oughties? DoubleOs? How about "the Shitties?").
Despite the dystopia we are sprinting towards, there is some hope in turning over into a new decade; if nothing else, we'll at least know what to call it. And things can't really get worse, right?
Right?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Furniture Store of Tomorrow
I lost my IKEA virginity this weekend.
I thought, living 160 miles away from the nearest IKEA, I could let my guard down and not worry about the Swedish furniture retailer's siren song. But then friends started doing it. They would tell me about their amazing experiences, but in such vague terms it was hard to "feel" it. But me? Nah, I don't mind waiting and collecting my furniture a little bit here, a little bit there. I have a couch--what more do I need? A couple side tables... alright! Good enough! Some homemade plywood stuff from many years ago...
Well, it turns out I needed some chairs in a hurry. And I don't have the kind of vehicle that would allow hauling hoity-toity pre-assembled furniture. And I don't have gobs of money spilling out of my wallet. And... damn, Scandanavians are cool. And I love Swedish meatballs. I got sucked in. Who could blame me?
IKEA is amazing. Scary and amazing. They could lay tracks for an automatic peoplemover and charge admission. This is definitely The Furniture Store of Tomorrow. Every step in this store is carefully planned and choreographed; every font selected on purpose; every color used to elicit a specific emotion or reaction. Information pods. Puzzle stations. "Shortcuts." Lost? Look at the map--it tells you exactly where you will be next, even if it doesn't help you know where you are now. The in-store Swedish cuisine restaurant (and cafe!) promises to be around the next bend, never more than an overhead sign away. The peoplemover takes you right there, hands you a tray, and scoops you ten neat little meatballs before you realize you're not looking at furniture and home decor anymore.
But that's not even half of The Furniture Store of Tomorrow experience. That was just the opening act. Foreplay. A mere cattle chute before the big ride. When you finish your meatballs at 10:30 in the morning, you are strapped into a shopping cart that would only be commonplace to a European--all four wheels are independently swiveling! No fixed axles! You can shop around in perfect circles! Feel like pushing your cart sideways? At and angle? In constant pirhouttes? Please do! Steer your cart around the track with a stream of humanity. Grab your items. Watch the young newlywed brides and coeds and young moms in their casual Saturday shopping jeans. This place is paradise.
And now the big reveal, the money shot, the climax. You thought THAT was The Furniture Store of Tomorrow? That was just the salad course. That was just the introductory movie before the ride. You have not yet even penetrated the real experience. Welcome to the Self Service Furniture Warehouse. As the stream of humanity empties out into the sea of 3-story palette shelves, you drift into a Choose Your Own Adventure. Used to getting lost at Home Depot? You better get ready to hunker down here for a few days. If what lies behind you was choreographed within an inch of its life, the Self Storage Furniture Warehouse is purposely designed as a freeform free-for-all. Did you keep score with your IKEA half pencil on your IKEA scorecard? If not, you have a lot of searching to do. Forgot to grab an extra cart back there? Good luck navigating your purchases through the warehouse! Scale doesn't exist here. If IKEA sold houses or cars, they would be on the shelves, disassembled into "flat pack" boxes for your handling convenience. What can't IKEA flat pack? Is the Arc of the Covenant in here, and if so, is it in one box or two? Does it come in Alne Natural? Don't forget to compare the label on the box with that on the bin. It's on the sign.
The experience is not complete. Now you must wait in line... to leave. Rather than seeing long checkout lines as a liability, the Furniture Store of Tomorrow sees it as an opportunity to discourage you back into shopping. We have ATMs! We have a restaurant! A child care center! Restrooms! Comfy couches! YOU HAVE NO NEED TO LEAVE THE FURNITURE STORE OF TOMORROW. YOU ARE NOT DONE SHOPPING. START OVER. MORE MEATBALLS. MORE FURNITURE. YOU ARE MINE NOW.
I thought, living 160 miles away from the nearest IKEA, I could let my guard down and not worry about the Swedish furniture retailer's siren song. But then friends started doing it. They would tell me about their amazing experiences, but in such vague terms it was hard to "feel" it. But me? Nah, I don't mind waiting and collecting my furniture a little bit here, a little bit there. I have a couch--what more do I need? A couple side tables... alright! Good enough! Some homemade plywood stuff from many years ago...
Well, it turns out I needed some chairs in a hurry. And I don't have the kind of vehicle that would allow hauling hoity-toity pre-assembled furniture. And I don't have gobs of money spilling out of my wallet. And... damn, Scandanavians are cool. And I love Swedish meatballs. I got sucked in. Who could blame me?
IKEA is amazing. Scary and amazing. They could lay tracks for an automatic peoplemover and charge admission. This is definitely The Furniture Store of Tomorrow. Every step in this store is carefully planned and choreographed; every font selected on purpose; every color used to elicit a specific emotion or reaction. Information pods. Puzzle stations. "Shortcuts." Lost? Look at the map--it tells you exactly where you will be next, even if it doesn't help you know where you are now. The in-store Swedish cuisine restaurant (and cafe!) promises to be around the next bend, never more than an overhead sign away. The peoplemover takes you right there, hands you a tray, and scoops you ten neat little meatballs before you realize you're not looking at furniture and home decor anymore.
But that's not even half of The Furniture Store of Tomorrow experience. That was just the opening act. Foreplay. A mere cattle chute before the big ride. When you finish your meatballs at 10:30 in the morning, you are strapped into a shopping cart that would only be commonplace to a European--all four wheels are independently swiveling! No fixed axles! You can shop around in perfect circles! Feel like pushing your cart sideways? At and angle? In constant pirhouttes? Please do! Steer your cart around the track with a stream of humanity. Grab your items. Watch the young newlywed brides and coeds and young moms in their casual Saturday shopping jeans. This place is paradise.
And now the big reveal, the money shot, the climax. You thought THAT was The Furniture Store of Tomorrow? That was just the salad course. That was just the introductory movie before the ride. You have not yet even penetrated the real experience. Welcome to the Self Service Furniture Warehouse. As the stream of humanity empties out into the sea of 3-story palette shelves, you drift into a Choose Your Own Adventure. Used to getting lost at Home Depot? You better get ready to hunker down here for a few days. If what lies behind you was choreographed within an inch of its life, the Self Storage Furniture Warehouse is purposely designed as a freeform free-for-all. Did you keep score with your IKEA half pencil on your IKEA scorecard? If not, you have a lot of searching to do. Forgot to grab an extra cart back there? Good luck navigating your purchases through the warehouse! Scale doesn't exist here. If IKEA sold houses or cars, they would be on the shelves, disassembled into "flat pack" boxes for your handling convenience. What can't IKEA flat pack? Is the Arc of the Covenant in here, and if so, is it in one box or two? Does it come in Alne Natural? Don't forget to compare the label on the box with that on the bin. It's on the sign.
The experience is not complete. Now you must wait in line... to leave. Rather than seeing long checkout lines as a liability, the Furniture Store of Tomorrow sees it as an opportunity to discourage you back into shopping. We have ATMs! We have a restaurant! A child care center! Restrooms! Comfy couches! YOU HAVE NO NEED TO LEAVE THE FURNITURE STORE OF TOMORROW. YOU ARE NOT DONE SHOPPING. START OVER. MORE MEATBALLS. MORE FURNITURE. YOU ARE MINE NOW.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
All Souls
Whatever became of Halloween? I remember a time when trick-or-treating was a time-honored tradition (whatever the hell that means). Suburban residential streets would be filled with little kids in plastic and fabric costumes with their baggies or pumpkin baskets or pillow cases swaying to and fro. Adult overseers would watch from the sidewalk as their little goblin and princess skittered up the driveway to the front door of some 70's Bradyesque monstrosity covered in plastic decorations and the salvaged remains of the smashed jackolanterns the neighborhood miscreants had tormented the night before. This is the way it worked. This is the fun that was Halloween. This was the kickoff of the Halloween-to-Easter Candy Season. This was the pinnacle of the elementary school haute couture fashion season. But now? I was at a party in a neighborhood where there were hundreds of pleasant suburban houses mere feet apart--in fact, my first comment upon seeing this neighborhood months before was, "wow, this would be a great place to trick-or-treat!" It was one of those neighborhoods you could go back over two or three times with a different costume and really rake in the calories. But despite beautiful weather and the obligatory "we're open for business" lit jackolantern, we had all of four small groups of trick-or-treaters. Maybe ten kids, tops. Those were the kind of numbers we were used to living in a dark brown house at the top of a dead-end street on a hill back in Massachusetts (it was nearly impossible to even see the house as your approached it). It was pathetic.
What is motivating this cultural shift? Are parents fearful for their kids' safety? I remember when I was a kid there was the real danger of cars running over trick-or-treaters, but last night I could have driven up the front lawns of every damn house in the subdivision and not hit a single costumed child. And there were the annual scares about needles and razor blades in Halloween candy, which required parents to forensically analyze every Snickers and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for hairline cuts in the wrappers, and immediately throw out anything that was in a hand-assembled giftie bag rather than a factory-sealed wrapper. Is it the religious component? All those families that don't believe in celebrating a "devil's holiday"... as if the devil wasn't the Mars corporation that makes the candy they're all eating at the church's alternative "harvest social" that night? Want a conversation stopper on Halloween? Just repeat what the little girl in front of me in line at the Rite Aid said to the woman at the counter when asked what she was going to be tonight: "oh, we don't celebrate Halloween." Silence. Perhaps it's the childhood obesity epidemic? Parents worry about one night of chocolate orgy but are oblivious as Jacob and Madison swim in Mountain Dew and chocolate milk the rest of the year. What happened to kids having a fun fucking night of dressing up and eating candy while supervised by vigilant parents in a non-threatening, non-satanic envionment? Is that so fucking hard that we have to just stop doing it? You people suck.
Anyway, I was a moth wrapped in spiderweb being attacked by a huge stuffed spider. The idea was great but the execution was lacking, and it broke my #1 rule for costumes: I have to be able to sit down. So the spider spent most of the evening on the floor, and my antennae kinda hurt, so for most of the evening I was a ball of spider web.
What is motivating this cultural shift? Are parents fearful for their kids' safety? I remember when I was a kid there was the real danger of cars running over trick-or-treaters, but last night I could have driven up the front lawns of every damn house in the subdivision and not hit a single costumed child. And there were the annual scares about needles and razor blades in Halloween candy, which required parents to forensically analyze every Snickers and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup for hairline cuts in the wrappers, and immediately throw out anything that was in a hand-assembled giftie bag rather than a factory-sealed wrapper. Is it the religious component? All those families that don't believe in celebrating a "devil's holiday"... as if the devil wasn't the Mars corporation that makes the candy they're all eating at the church's alternative "harvest social" that night? Want a conversation stopper on Halloween? Just repeat what the little girl in front of me in line at the Rite Aid said to the woman at the counter when asked what she was going to be tonight: "oh, we don't celebrate Halloween." Silence. Perhaps it's the childhood obesity epidemic? Parents worry about one night of chocolate orgy but are oblivious as Jacob and Madison swim in Mountain Dew and chocolate milk the rest of the year. What happened to kids having a fun fucking night of dressing up and eating candy while supervised by vigilant parents in a non-threatening, non-satanic envionment? Is that so fucking hard that we have to just stop doing it? You people suck.
Anyway, I was a moth wrapped in spiderweb being attacked by a huge stuffed spider. The idea was great but the execution was lacking, and it broke my #1 rule for costumes: I have to be able to sit down. So the spider spent most of the evening on the floor, and my antennae kinda hurt, so for most of the evening I was a ball of spider web.
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