Sheets

I purchased new bed sheets yesterday, for the first time in several years.

I was very proud of myself those several years ago, acquiring my first full set of Queen-sized bedding (with blanket!). Previous to that I had been using my 1970's-era trippy bed spread from my childhood, which had delaminated in many places and been... relaminated in others. Not a proud blanket by the end of its life. Coupled with mismatched fitted sheets stolen from home, my bed was definitely an unprofessional mess. Renting a tiny studio in Cambridge meant that, God forbid I ever had a visitor, my ridiculous bed with its threadbare 70's blankie would be the elephant in the room.

I forgot where I bought my first "adult" bedding... perhaps Sears at the Cambridgeside Galleria? I remember there was a collection of "hip" bedding from some prematurely-commercialized fashion designer or DIY hunkie or TV chef or something, and one appealed to me because it had orange (one of few colors I have confidence in seeing correctly with my colorblind eyes) but also had slivers of just about every other color that standard big-box bedding can come in. I would never have to worry about matching decor colors, because if it isn't in there, it isn't out there. I bought the set and it was a famous addition to my studio apartment--made me feel all growed up.

The trouble with owning only one set of bedding is that you can't rotate out parts that need a rest from constant use. The blanket was fine for prolonged periods (though I think I curdled the inner padding during the first wash, which has been lumpy forevermore), the pillowcases could share their load with the shams, and the flat sheet would pretty much retreat when it felt overstressed. The fitted sheet, though... what a life. Abuse from the cat alone was demoralizing, but my constant use wore at the elastic until it just couldn't hold onto the mattress anymore. Making the bed often meant restretching that poor fitted sheet over the most highly-trafficked mattress corner.

Unsurprisingly, moving to Raleigh did not improve the lot of my old bedding. It did, however, provide a separate bedroom (with a door!) in which my bedding was able to coast a bit... So a mattress corner was revealed once in a while (every night)? No problem! No need to impress me! That hole the cat dug into the sheet? Not a biggie. That weird stain left when the sheet got caught in the vacuum cleaner whilst I cleared it of cat hair? Ugly and tough to explain, sure, but no need to worry. This coordinated team forged by some trendy personality many years ago was starting to act like slovenly, fattening baseball retirees. No ambition. No professionalism. A bare mattress was a regular occurence. Pillows had to be double-bagged. The flat sheet would literally hop off the bed and refuse to work. It was rough.

In my unexpected boredom yesterday, I decided it was time to bring fresh blood on the team. I drove up to Target assuming that I would find a replacement sheet set with enough hipness to mesh in with the blanket--hell no I was not buying another blanket!--for a reasonable price. I guess my concept of what "reasonable" means when buying big square pieces of cloth with folded, sewn edges did not match Target's... even on sale, sheet sets seem wildly overpriced given the materials and labor that go into them. And hip? Trendy? Fashionable? Uh uh. Plain. Solid. Cotton. No graphics. No orange. Not even sheets with Target logos on them. My choices were thread count and if I wanted a polyester blend or a bamboo rayon blend. White, beige, green, blue, black, and red. It's like an ice cream truck that only sells popsicles.

I chose beige, mostly because 1) white? eew. 2) my blanket is orange and my walls are dark green (I think), so what else works? 3) the chances of fucking up beige are pretty slim. Thread count was my only other option, and I think I blew it. Yes, I know a higher thread count is preferable. I also know that the price jumps about ten to fifteen dollars per level. The pawed-over fabric samples that hang under the 600, 400, 300, and 250 signs do not feel $10 apart. In fact, the 300 felt the worst of all (and, somehow, was the cheapest!). I decided that the samples were not good justification and went with the cheap, "easy-care" 300. After a night on the new sheets, feeling like I was sleeping on the exam chair at the doctor's office, I have to believe that better sheets exist, and maybe even for a reasonable price... either that or I need to go to Walmart's craft department and pick myself up some fabric to make new sheets from. But no longer do I have to nag my bedding into performing its function, and I had a full--if itchy--night of sleep without ever seeing a bare mattress corner.